I seem to find myself driven to write only when something of definite and lasting import occurs. The death of a friend aboard Swissair 111, my graduation recital (not sure how lasting THAT was!), meeting and marrying my husband, and now, the death of my brother-in-law, Rudy. And so here I am, journaling again.
Rudy was not just my sister’s husband. He was an integral and loved part of our family. As my husband remarked to me earlier this week, the folks who marry into our family aren’t considered in-laws. We (parents and siblings) view them as part of our Family. There isn’t a distinction between who is Family and who is not.
The questions raised by the death of someone for whom you care deeply are doozies. Concepts and ideas once conveniently considered unimportant or irrelevant suddenly show up at your door and rudely lean on the doorbell. Unfortunately, they’re usually messy questions with no easy answers. (I’m sure that’s why they were tagged as “irrelevant” or”unimportant” before.) Wondering whether or not someone will recognize and care (read: love) about you in heaven suddenly becomes more important than world peace.
It doesn’t help that the very Bible upon which I’ve staked my life tells me there will be no giving in marriage in heaven. That’s of little comfort since most of my life has been spent either waiting for Prince Charming or enjoying the charmed life I’ve led since finding him. How can Heaven be, well, heavenly if the life with the man of my dreams will be but a dream? That doesn’t sit well with me. Or my sister.
Her husband’s death was related to a trucking accident he had 10 years ago and the resulting brain damage. Yes, she finds comfort in knowing he know longer shakes or has trouble finding the right words. Yes, we’re happy to know he will never again need help to walk from the couch to the table and he’ll never fall again. But so what. Where does that leave her? And where does it leave that third member of their marriage, that mystical third person existing in every marriage, the ”us” formed by the uniting of two separate lives into one?
